(5 min read)
In our child hand over last weekend, my ex-husband commented “you look terrible”, not in a horrible way, in a way of concern. He said “your face looks really thin and you look run down. What’s going on?” The urge to waffle on about all the complexity was definitely there, instead, I said: “I’m overstretched, a man down since dad died, with my sister being in America too, it’s all sitting on my shoulders.” …he then said:”You should get help for your mother from the government, she’s paid taxes all her life.” To which I just laughed, “have you read the press lately?”…his reply “good point.”….it continued…
Him – “So what are you going to do?”
Me – “Not sure”
Him – “You can’t carry on like this and care for the children too”
Me – silence
Him – “You will end up ill again through stress”
Me – silence
Him – “I can’t afford for you to get ill and not take care of the children and pay maintenance”
Me – silence
Him – silence
Me – “I suggested to my mum to downsize and take private healthcare”
Him – “I think she should, it’s appropriate”
Me – “Ok, I’ll get it sorted, I hear what you are saying”
Him – “It’s the right thing to do, you need a life too, so do the kids”
This left me with a lot of pondering to do on Sunday afternoon, there are my own personal desires of what I wish to achieve in life, there are also my obligations to the people I love. In need of a new strategy, agile management came to mind as the framework to create for this situation needing flexibility.
Something else came to mind, vloggers, they share their personal experiences to connect with an audience, usually they get paid by Youtube for their traffic generation that advertisers can sell to. Extracting the advertising and the need to create videos (at present) there is an opportunity to study the system and its effects on my own experience openly with metaphysics. Metaphysics is still an experimental study for me at present, I would not sell the insights, not feeling they are stable enough to release as a professional opinion. So why not combine for open learning? Also keep an open public record of the research I’m doing to learn of options when a system fails.
Having secured a basic income package in negotiations with my ex husband, that is my first job, to care for his children and reach a level of expectation that is accommodating within reason. Being a mother will always come first. Second to this, my children won’t be children forever, I need a career too for when my secured basic income ends and they don’t need me so much. There is also my mum, wishing to be independent but struggling to maintain that independence as she gets older. There is also the state of British and general world affairs, very unsteady presently. It would be difficult to pick a career as safe or ethical, I already know what I want to do.The only issue is there is no market open to what I want to do, metaphysics for open public services. That leaves creating my own opportunity out of the complexity above, if to have any level of happiness, satisfaction, freedom & flexibility.
So, I’ll make my life the study to share as a case study that is open to interpretation for social awareness & consciousness, whilst experimenting with metaphysics. For my life has many issues that are common to most people, my approach is alternative & experimental when there are few options to learn other ways. It is a risk, my basic income is covered until I can make a business out of the opportunity. As it’s a new experimental framework, it will need to be openly tested, before anyone will be convinced it could work.
I have a 2nd meeting with my mum tonight, the one early turned into an exchange of honesty that was both rational and logical, with no emotional straying. In seeing her as a client of needs, something shifted and progress happened. An outcome not expected, the meeting had to be adjourned as my children were finishing school. Even though the system is failing both of us, and I have my own ideas about living, not panicking in crisis is opening the talks to working through the changes.
It is a complex situation, knowing when to quit is the key to success. Adding complexity that is not flexible will only make it worse and harder to reach any level of satisfaction.